Much Worse
Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?”
”Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with t...
Jerry went to a psychiatrist.
“Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m going crazy!”
Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
”...
The day is cold,and dark,and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold and dark and dreary;
It rains and the wind is never weary;
My thought still cling to the moldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark ...
Bob: My car doesn’t have a speedometer.
Rob: Then how do you know how fast you’re going?
Bob: Well, when I’m driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle; at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle; and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that’s as fast as it’ll go.
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, “How do you know?”
The first inmate said, “God told me!”
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did not!”
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：”我是拿破仑！”另一个说：”你怎么知道？...
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:”Let me ask the evolutionist a question — if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”
“I’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady. “We have worn them off sitting here so long.”.
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题...
A French lady frequently visited a small antique shop but rarely purchased anything. Furthermore, she always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the lady’s grumpy complaints in their stride, but one day she really went too far。
“Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?” demanded the lady。
A smile on her face, the...
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: “That’ll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!”
精明的家庭主妇
一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太...
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar of America, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at a half dollar. Other paperbacks were selling for five or nine cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition and Nash was a fun poet. Therefore the price was reasonabl...
