English Flavor
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Humor
Much Worse
Much Worse Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 中文： 警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？ 男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
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Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?” ”Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear [...]
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Psychiatrist
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m going crazy!” Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” “How much do you charge?” [...]
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The Rainy Day
The day is cold,and dark,and dreary; It rains,and the wind is never weary; The vine still clings to the moldering wall, But at every gust the dead leaves fall, And the day is dark and dreary. My life is cold and dark and dreary; It rains and the wind is never weary; My thought still [...]
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How do you know that?
Bob: My car doesn’t have a speedometer. Rob: Then how do you know how fast you’re going? Bob: Well, when I’m driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle; at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle; and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that’s as fast as it’ll go.
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The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!” Another one said, “How do you know?” The first inmate said, “God told me!” Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did not!” 疯人院 一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：”我是拿破仑！”另一个说：”你怎么知道？”第一个人说：”上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：”我没说！” Notes: （1）Looney (俚语）疯子 （2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)） （3）insane asylum (疯人院）
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Our Tails
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:”Let me ask the evolutionist a question — if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?” “I’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady. “We have worn them off sitting here so long.”. 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？” [...]
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Too polite
A French lady frequently visited a small antique shop but rarely purchased anything. Furthermore, she always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the lady’s grumpy complaints in their stride, but one day she really went too far。 “Why is it I never manage to get what I ask [...]
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A Smart Housewife
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: “That’ll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!” 精明的家庭主妇 一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”
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Keep the change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar of America, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at a half dollar. Other paperbacks were selling for five or nine cents each. I pointed out that the book was [...]
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